Hold on Loosely

 In church last Sunday I heard this quote and it resonated with me. In fact, so much so that I can’t get it off of my mind. So, naturally, I must blog about it.

What makes the temptation of power so seemingly irresistible? Maybe it is that power offers an easy substitute for the hard task of love. It seems easier to be God than to love God, easier to control people than to love people, easier to own life than to love life.

Henri Nouwen

This could possibly be the number one relationship pitfall. It happens between parents and children, spouses, friends, bosses and employees, and relatives.

I look at how God designed our universe. He always left the choices to us to accept or reject. He gave us instructions for success then he stepped back. He lets us fail yet he always lovingly welcomes us back into his open arms if we choose. He demonstrated the difference in love vs. control. I wonder how they seem to be opposites yet somehow one easily morphs into the other. Love holds on with a loose but unending hold accepting the other person, warts and all. It never lets go no matter the choices of the loved. It never looks away. It never gives up. See 1 Corinthians 13 for a refresher.

Control holds on with a suffocating grip. It lets go when the controlled doesn’t follow directives, lacks oxygen and in a desperate struggle for air, they have no choice but to break free and leave the controller. So power effectively suffocates love. What love and control have in common is relationship. They often feel the same to the controller. And sometimes what starts as love gradually becomes control. Control is an if-then relationship. Love is a no-matter-what relationship. Control happens slowly and leads to the demise of so many relationships.

If I could master this one thing, my relationships would be so much smoother. I believe that boundaries are needed to pull this off. These boundaries get breached one by one in long term relationships and I must learn to step back before it is too late. Look at the wisdom of 38 Special! I have sung these lyrics so many times but never stopped to listen to the message.

Hold on Loosely by 38 Special

You see it all around you
Good lovin' gone bad
And usually it's too late when you, realize what you had
And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago (who told me)

Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tightly
You're gonna lose control

Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in
It's so damn easy, when your feelings are such
To overprotect her, to love her too much
And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago (who told me)
Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tight babe
You're gonna loose control

And usually it's too late when you realize what you had

Source: LyricFind 
Songwriters: James Peterik / Jeff Carlisi / Richard Donald Barnes

So what makes love such a hard task? Boundaries. Letting go when I know what will happen if my loved one makes the wrong choice. Keeping my mouth shut when my experience sees the pitfalls right in front of my partner. Letting my child make stupid mistakes and not saying “I told you so”. Being there to hold them after they have made those wrong choices. Oh, but this is so hard!

Remember the father in the Prodigal Son? He held on loosely.

 There are so many life lessons we can learn from sports. The applications are limitless and I don’t think that is a coincidence. While playing a game of keep away, have you ever seen someone engage eye contact with the opponent while quickly tossing the ball to a teammate? And because the opponent’s focus was on the wrong target they were fooled. However, that move never fooled this dog when his eye was on food. He was focused!

This guy always had his eye on the “ball”.

This reminds me of how I lose my focus on Christ when daily issues arise or adversity comes around. I pray for healing, for safety, for comfort and God often answers these prayers, but that is not the point. I have taken my eyes off of the ball and placed it on the issue in front of me. 

Time and time again Jesus addressed this issue to his followers. He tried to redirect the focus of people on what matters. He wanted them to keep their eye on the ball. In John 4:10 to the woman at the well who was focused on getting water to drink, He said, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” In verse 32 of the same chapter, Jesus’ said to his disciples who were focused on getting Jesus to eat, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.” 

Keep your eye on the ball. 

In John 6:26-27 to the people following him to the hillside by Galilee because they were healed and fed he said, “Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.” Then in verse 40 Jesus again tells this crowd to change their focus and look to God the Father and his Son. “For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.”

Keep your eye on the ball. 

I believe that there is a game being played that we know nothing about. It is a game to steal our focus from what really matters. I believe it is played out every second of our life on earth and even shutting ourselves off in an empty room will not help us win this tug of war for our attention because much of the battle happens within us. But this all sounds rather hopeless and depressing. If only we had some power or equipment to help us win this daily struggle! 

But wait! There’s more! In verse 63 Jesus says his Spirit and his words are full of power. “The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life.” So we are better equipped than the enemy. And furthermore when Jesus is offering his final comforting words to his disciples in John 14:16-17 he says, “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. 

And we are reminded that our team has the best uniforms, pads, cleats, helmets and bats. In Ephesians, Paul tells us that we are equipped to win the game. 

Ephesians 6:12-18 NIV

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

And last but definitely not least, light always wins over darkness. Its power is undeniable. We will win because we rely on God. He has the ultimate victory over the enemy. We see this in the first chapter of John’s gospel when he introduces us to God and his Son. In John 1:4-5, John says, “In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

So we must remind ourselves day by day, minute by minute that we are on the winning team with the power and authority of God the Father, Christ his Son and the Holy Spirit. We know how it ends. Just take a glimpse at Revelation chapter 22. We are on the winning team and on that we can place all our confidence and remember to…

Keep our eyes on the ball.

Pathway to the Creator

 How do people who can’t read, don’t have a Bible or go to church know God? Do you think God decided to exclude them? As a child I worried about that. Recently I read a story of a man, Brother Lawrence, who found his path to God by observing the beauty of a tree. And I thought, “How is that even possible”?

I accept that God’s ways are a mystery to me. As a small child in Sunbeams, (Sunday school for littles), I learned that God gave us five senses. As an adult I have learned that God asks us to seek him. Putting that together, would God expect us only to seek him with one or two of our senses? So, yes, I believe that finding God in nature is possible. If we seek we will find, even without a concordance, commentary and three versions of the Bible.

Our culture is dependent upon words and videography to tell a story. Sadly, we have never been taught to read nature around us and understand God’s creation story behind something like a tree. It seems like the only time we pay attention to nature is when there is some cataclysmic event. So we become fearful rather than joyful over the natural world. We forget that God is so much bigger than we could possibly imagine.

In a short while the folks around my neck of the woods will experience a total eclipse. Instead of awe and wonder for a Creator that placed the stars and moon in the sky and synchronized their movements, some interpret it as impending doom’s day. Most of us, however, see it as a chance to celebrate. But how many of us see it as a moment to worship our amazing creator? To see it as a chance to observe His star given for our planet’s light and source of energy in a unique manner? To be amazed at this synchronized movement of our solar system?

Image by Chil Vera from Pixabay

In his Reasons to Believe Creation Model, Astrophysicist Hugh Ross lists 140 features of the cosmos as a whole (including the laws of physics) that must fall within certain narrow ranges to allow for the possibility of physical life’s existence and 402 quantifiable characteristics of a planetary system and its galaxy that must fall within narrow ranges to allow for the possibility of advanced life’s existence. Just those numbers alone are astounding.

Romans 1:20 For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities---his eternal power and divine nature---have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

Taking care not to worship the creation but the Creator, we have microscopes, telescopes and a plethora of scientific devices to observe God’s creations. Yet we often fall victim to worshipping our own “brilliance” rather than that of the one who made it all. In The One Year Salt and Light Devotional by Chris Tiegreen he says, “What should have sent us in search of the Creator—the beauty and design of nature, the stunning miracle of a newborn, the joy of simple pleasures—became instead an idol or even just a happy accident. We have to learn to see the world in a new way.”

So if we are in a place where nature shows us something new, we should stop and learn about the One who created it. What kind of love and attention to detail did it take to create beautiful fields of wildflowers and what amazing creativity came up with a howler monkey and a firefly? And what about the cute fuzz on a bee or the amazing power in a storm? We should pause and take time to listen to God’s creation around us and learn how to catch glimpses of His amazing glory.