Following Christ is not my best thing. Seriously. It is hard. It is a fight from the moment I wake up to the moment I give up the struggle, close my eyes and go to sleep. This is why I blog. Maybe following Jesus is hard for you too, and I’m pretty sure we need to stick together.
My most recent struggle is that I don’t feel understood because, quite honestly, I’m weird. I won’t go into my weirdness’s here but suffice it to say that I am never comfortable in a group, always having the gut feeling of being the odd person out. Maybe that is how everyone feels? Or maybe that is an introvert thing? Or maybe it is a blessing? No idea.
But today while reading my daily devotional, the words of a prayer by Francis of Assisi spoke to this very point of my weirdness and not being understood. It said, “O, Master, grant that I may never seek so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my soul.” This selfless prayer made me see the selfishness of wanting to be understood and the beauty of being understanding rather than judgmental. It made me see through the eyes of Christ.
“O, Master, grant that I may never seek so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my soul.”
~Francis of Assisi
So now, when I find myself wallowing in self pity, I must obediently bring it to my Papa and let him do his thing. Hopefully, this is helpful to some other weird person out there. May He give us all a glimpse of others through his eyes so that we can console, understand and love them.
“Once you become a Christian you will always be kind and no longer be selfish and petty”.
what we thought…
Like this statement, so often the Christian life is portrayed as all butterflies and rainbows. While life with Christ is sweet, it is not easy. Non-Christians hold Christians to a higher standard and Christians themselves often believe they should no longer be tempted by desires that are unhealthy. So often we feel defeated by the temptation to make that nasty post even if we don’t do it. You may be surprised to know that even the Apostle Paul struggled with sin. To me, one of the most comforting passages of scripture is Paul’s letter to the Romans expressing his frustration with sin even after his conversion.
Romans 7:15-25 NIV I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do---this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
And this was written by a guy that sacrificed his life to spread the truth of Christ! I have found my Christian walk to be more like guns and roses rather than butterflies and rainbows. All weapons and beauty with thorns. It seems like the closer I walk with God, the more I see my penchant for selfishness and pride. So what are these weapons? Is there no relief from my broken, rebellious nature? Where are those roses when all I see are the thorns? Well, the Apostle Paul not only sinned but he seems to be an expert in thorns too.
The truth that we must remember is that Jesus loves us while we are broken. He gave his life for us while we were in this condition. What makes me think that he no longer expects me to sin now that I am a follower? This is not said as an excuse, but as a difficult struggle. The difference belief makes is that the desire of my heart has changed. This is what creates the tension I feel. And if I did not have this tension, I would have to question my faith. I believe God knows my heart and knows my struggle. While He does not remove the thorns, he considers me His own child and loves and forgives me.
Do I have any help living to this higher standard while struggling in this twisted world? Did God give me any weapons against my sinful nature, or am I left to fend for myself? Paul included this answer in his writings.
Ephesians 6:10-18 NIV Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people.
And so it goes to reason that God wouldn’t give us these weapons from the Spirit if the Christian life was supposed to be easy. We are still haunted by our sinful nature but what we have been given from God is desire and weapons. Yes, weapons! And with the gifts of the belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, shield of faith, helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit we are more than conquerers through Him who loves us. Bring on the guns and roses!
One of my biggest issues in life is making mountains out of molehills. So often, I nervously navigate through a day filled with back-to-back worries-of-the-moment that wreck my peace, each demanding my full attention. This leads from days, to months, to years, and possibly a lifetime of constant worry. There is no way this is what God intended for the Christian life! Yet how can I win these tiny battles that indeed are one big war? And what is the root of this issue? The answer to these questions lies in a statement I heard made by Beth Moore. It was so profound that I had to write it down and keep it in my journal. She said, “The more detached and self-absorbed we become, the more we mistake annoyances for agonies.” Now that is truth. Let that soak in. Allowing myself to become detached from God and from the real struggles of people around me because I am so self-absorbed; this is the source of my pain. I am looking at my world through "ME" lenses. I am the center of my universe. How many times have I let relatively minor issues consume my mind and destroy me? In fact, if my issue deserves either of these hashtags: #Firstworldproblems, #Thestruggleisreal; it is a sign that I have yet again made a big deal out of nothing.
So now that I have admitted this problem, what is the next step? How do I get to a place of healing? My background tells me to search the scripture and find references to worry in the Bible. Here are a few of my favorites.
Philippians 4:6-7 NIV
[6] Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. [7] And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Hebrews 12:1-3 NIV
[1] Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, [2] fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. [3] Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV
[5] We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
So in a nutshell:
1. Throw off those thoughts that hinder and refocus my attention on God through prayer and petition, choosing to fix my eyes on him.
2. Thank Him for taking care of the issue.
3. When worry happens again, I repeat step 1 and 2, thereby taking every thought captive all day long.
Sounds simple right? Lol. We all know that on my own power it will end in failure. How in the world do I fix my eyes on the invisible when the visible is screaming in my face? The simple truth is that I can’t. But I have a powerful Spirit living in me that can!
Romans 8:5-6 NIV
[5] Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. [6] The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.
Yes! I need to call on that Power through daily prayer, and in every situation. Then I am not left to battle with my own ineffective tools. This cycle of worry can be broken by handing it to Him in prayer. This will be powered by the Holy Spirit living in me. I realize there will be times that my habits will win, but gradually the change will grow and transform this old girl.
Here is another way to remember to take every annoyance to God. Do you remember a time in your young life when something very unfair happened and you knew all you had to do was tell a certain trusted adult and they would restore justice? You probably ran teary-eyed to him or her, dumped the problem, and then went off to play knowing it was going to be resolved. One approach when worrisome thoughts take my mind is to remember with a victorious attitude of “I’m going to tell my Dad.” And before stopping to tell others who have no power to help resolve the problem, drop it in my Father’s lap, thanking him for taking care of it.
Lord help me, I have so far to go. May I learn to fix my eyes on invisible You. Help me learn to lean on You. This struggle will be conquered one battle at a time and only through your power. Thank you Dad. Now I can go play.
