Following Christ is not my best thing. Seriously. It is hard. It is a fight from the moment I wake up to the moment I give up the struggle, close my eyes and go to sleep. This is why I blog. Maybe following Jesus is hard for you too, and I’m pretty sure we need to stick together.
My most recent struggle is that I don’t feel understood because, quite honestly, I’m weird. I won’t go into my weirdness’s here but suffice it to say that I am never comfortable in a group, always having the gut feeling of being the odd person out. Maybe that is how everyone feels? Or maybe that is an introvert thing? Or maybe it is a blessing? No idea.
But today while reading my daily devotional, the words of a prayer by Francis of Assisi spoke to this very point of my weirdness and not being understood. It said, “O, Master, grant that I may never seek so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my soul.” This selfless prayer made me see the selfishness of wanting to be understood and the beauty of being understanding rather than judgmental. It made me see through the eyes of Christ.
“O, Master, grant that I may never seek so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my soul.”
~Francis of Assisi
So now, when I find myself wallowing in self pity, I must obediently bring it to my Papa and let him do his thing. Hopefully, this is helpful to some other weird person out there. May He give us all a glimpse of others through his eyes so that we can console, understand and love them.
This is not my story to tell. Or maybe it is, because it needs to be shared.
This story was heard while listening to Pastor Caesar preach. As I understand it, Caesar was born to underprivileged non-hearing parents. He struggled in school and was considered special needs. I don’t know the details but later in his difficult childhood, Caesar was mentored/adopted by a dentist named Dr. Luckett who took him under his wing.
Dr. Luckett was a Christian man so he took Caesar to his church where he was told Caesar was not welcomed because he was black. Dr. Luckett could have left Caesar at home, he could have dropped Caesar off at a black church, or he could have quit going to church because they were hypocrites. But what he did changed lives forever. He left that church and found one that would accept Caesar. Under Dr. Luckett’s guidance, Caesar played college and pro football, graduated from college and gave his life to spreading the gospel. He is currently a chaplain at Methodist Hospital in Dallas and an associate pastor in charge of the Celebrate Recovery program at our church. The lives he has touched all can be traced back to one decision by one man who made the right choice.
Unexpectedly at any moment we could have to make a life changing decision like that. Or maybe we make them all day long. We choose our words, our likes and interactions on social media and our actions in real life. Which one will be a pivotal point in the life of someone else? I don’t think we will know until we get to Glory. Most of these decisions will be forgotten and not even mentioned at our funeral. Yet each decision we make, no matter how insignificant, makes ripples that go out to affect those around us. We are woven into the fabric of humanity and any action can change hundreds of decisions made around us.
I believe what determines my choices is my preparation. I didn’t know Dr. Luckett but he probably was not blindsided with a desire to do the right thing in a life of chasing his own selfish pursuits. He probably had developed a habit of listening and responding to God throughout his life. So if I am prepared, when the small or large decisions happen, my response will be what God would have it be. This is like when the soil is prepared for a crop. The farmer cannot control the weather but he can weed and till the soil and plant the seeds. My part is to prepare it for the best yield.
Did I pursue Christ that day? Was I grateful to God? Did I humble myself before him in prayer? Did I listen and look for God’s intervention in my day? This is simple stuff, not rocket science. And that is Good News. There is so much that I can’t control and I am often tempted to wring my hands obsessing over this lack of control. But I must remember that God’s powerful hands control the results of my decisions.
Like the decision of Dr. Luckett, in God’s hands, our tiny ripples can become a tsunami. It is a story of a small decision that made a world of difference. I believe we as Christians need to be reminded of our mission and how important it is that we make the decisions which may go against the flow of those around us, yet are the right thing to do. Decisions that we make can be forgotten in an instant but the ripples that go out from it will continue on in ways we cannot fathom.
I have nightmares about forgetting appointments and arriving late. Along with that goes my fear of Alzheimer’s. Forgetfulness is one of my biggest sources of anxiety. It comes from a lifetime of ADHD(don’t ask me where my phone is) and years of dealing with a mom with dementia. Should I get dementia, I have given my children orders to put me in a care center and for my oldest to bring me chocolate, my middle child to smuggle in wine, and my youngest to bring me puppies. Yes, I have issues.
by Pexels from Pixabay
As a small child, church attendance for me was not an option. At least three times a week I faced the pulpit looking at a table carved with the words, “Do This in Remembrance of Me.” I don’t think remembering what God has brought us through and remembering what he has done for us was a suggestion. If you have endeavored to read through the Bible you have found many instances in which God tells his people to remember what he has carried them through. I don’t think that so much of our Bible is dedicated to remembering by accident. In the stories of the Old and New Testament, our God is a God who reminds us. He knows our penchant to forget and he is a patient Father.
I believe God wants us to remember in honesty and not put lipstick on the pig. The history in the Bible isn’t shined up the way we shine up our history, telling the story from the perspective of the victor and not the victim. The Bible gives an honest account of God and his children without polish, applause or idolizing. People in the Bible are just like us. They are victors and victims. They abuse and are abused. They make stupid mistakes and they pay dearly for them. Yet when they turn to God, he shows them the path back into his loving arms. He didn’t just tell us to remember the good stuff. He told us to remember when we rebelled and went through hardship. I have to remember my stupid decisions based on my own inflated ego. I must remember what happened because of my rebellion. I also remember how God gently brought me back into a relationship to him.
Proper remembrance requires honesty that may be painful. We must take a path down memory lane even if it is a filthy alley, a lonesome road, or a dark valley with no end in sight. I realize that trauma makes it hard to remember. If you have suffered trauma, ask God to reveal his hand holding you through the trauma. He was there in ways you didn’t recognize at the time. I know He rescued you because he rescues me. And He asked us to remember. So here is your reminder. You are welcome.
In this war against COVID-19, I want to help. I want to help the cafeteria workers make food, talk to the lonely, feed the hungry, stimulate an ailing economy, and find ways to heal all the hurts. Yet here I sit at home behind my computer or reading a book. Isn't it a lack of courage and faith in God that keeps me huddled in my house? Is this what a Christian is called to do? Surely not!
But then the resounding voice speaks to me of obedience. It speaks to me of a time and a place for everything.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 AMPC
[1] To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven: [2] A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted, [3] A time to kill and a time to heal, a time to break down and a time to build up, [4] A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, [5] A time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, [6] A time to get and a time to lose, a time to keep and a time to cast away, [7] A time to rend and a time to sew, a time to keep silence and a time to speak, [8] A time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. [9] What profit remains for the worker from his toil? [10] I have seen the painful labor and exertion and miserable business which God has given to the sons of men with which to exercise and busy themselves. [11] He has made everything beautiful in its time. …
This is the time to read, sit, stay put, enjoy the outdoors and follow the orders that our leaders have given. There will be a day when it is time to rebuild, and rebuild we will! But today is not it. It is not that season. By resisting the urge to be around others, we are helping countless health professionals around our country. Today is the day to hunker down in obedience. It is time to help those who are on the front line and must go to work. This is what we are called to do.
I know quite a few people who think the internet is evil. But I am amazed at the timing of our digital connectivity. I do not think it is a coincidence. Lately, this distant love-in-action has been demonstrated by my teaching coworkers, family, and many famous and not-so-famous musical artists who have broadcast their songs on social media.
It is time. Time for us to try some Facetime, text, call, or respond to posts from friends and family on social media. We have the tools to reach out in love without touch and I believe God expects Christians to use them.
