Following Christ is not my best thing. Seriously. It is hard. It is a fight from the moment I wake up to the moment I give up the struggle, close my eyes and go to sleep. This is why I blog. Maybe following Jesus is hard for you too, and I’m pretty sure we need to stick together.
My most recent struggle is that I don’t feel understood because, quite honestly, I’m weird. I won’t go into my weirdness’s here but suffice it to say that I am never comfortable in a group, always having the gut feeling of being the odd person out. Maybe that is how everyone feels? Or maybe that is an introvert thing? Or maybe it is a blessing? No idea.
But today while reading my daily devotional, the words of a prayer by Francis of Assisi spoke to this very point of my weirdness and not being understood. It said, “O, Master, grant that I may never seek so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my soul.” This selfless prayer made me see the selfishness of wanting to be understood and the beauty of being understanding rather than judgmental. It made me see through the eyes of Christ.
“O, Master, grant that I may never seek so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my soul.”
~Francis of Assisi
So now, when I find myself wallowing in self pity, I must obediently bring it to my Papa and let him do his thing. Hopefully, this is helpful to some other weird person out there. May He give us all a glimpse of others through his eyes so that we can console, understand and love them.
One of my favorite movies isIt’s a Wonderful Life. I know I’m not alone in this since it is considered the number one Christmas movie of all time. Like George Bailey, I sometimes question the difference my life makes. And is there really any distinction between a life lived in faith and a life with no faith?
Since I was a small child, I have been a Christ follower so I have no idea what my life would have been without that faith. I would like to be able to peek at the life I would have lived without my faith in Christ but I am smart enough not to want to actually experience it. I know the story written of Scrooge and what he saw was scary! Unlike the fictional Scrooge or George Bailey character, we don’t have this opportunity to go back and see what could have been.
The song Thank God, I Do by Lauren Daigle addresses the same sentiment.
I believe this passage that the Apostle Paul wrote to the church in Corinth gives us an understanding of life with and without faith in Christ.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4:7-9 NIV
Those with faith in God go through the same trouble as everybody else. We deal with opposition, slander, anxiety, suicide, depression, loss, tension, misunderstanding, and oppression just like those who do not have faith. Many Christians have been and are being tortured to their death. So what is the difference, pray tell?
With faith we have hope. Hope in the promises of God. One of his promises was that he would send us each the Holy Spirit to live our life with us. This Spirit is with us when we wake up, go to sleep and in all the boring stuff like washing dishes or taking out the trash. He is with us throughout this trek on earth. He speaks wisdom to our hearts and he points direction. It is our choice to listen and follow. No matter what scary moments this life on earth dish out, he is with us. When we tap into this power, we realize we are never abandoned and our spirit cannot be destroyed. We have hope in God’s promises of ultimate rescue when others go through this scary life without that hope.
And he gives us love. It is the difference maker. Love is what helps us identify other Christians and know that we are not alone. God is love. And when we see love from a stranger or a friend we know we are seeing the fingerprint of God. God is the author of love. Without God, there would be no such thing as compassion, kindness, patience, goodness, self-control, gentleness, peace and joy. When you meet a someone who has these expressions of love in their life, you are looking at a fellow child of God. Pay attention. Take note. Notice when you see these virtues. It will point you to a sister or brother in Christ who listens to the spirit within. (And the reverse is also true 😏, just saying.)
Know that all people will suffer injustice and loss. This life is hard for all of us. But the difference for those of us with faith is that we will never be abandoned and our soul will never be destroyed. We know from the promise of Jesus that this life is short and there will be a next life. This promise gives us peace in our hearts when the world around us may be falling apart. We know that the next life will be beautiful, satisfying and joyful. It is our treasure. This treasure is hope in the face of hopelessness and it makes all the difference.
In dry, cold weather my skin begins to itch. I slather on lotion, essentially taking a bath in it, and in a few hours it begins to itch again. But this is true for all things in this world. Solutions are always temporary and problems are seasonal. And I am a fixer. I become unhappy with this or that and I search for the YouTube video that will help me solve my problem. Occasionally I find a solution. But usually the solution is far too costly or it doesn’t come close to fixing the issue. If, by chance, the issue is fixed, I am quickly onto solving the next problematic matter. There is no end to this cycle! And there is always another itch to fix.
We all seem to be searching for a way to solve the issues of our world because we are unhappy with the way things are going. If only this decision would be made or if only this circumstance would change this would be a better place to live. If I were in power, I would…
But I’m not in power. And if I was, my solution would not be good for everyone. It would only be good for me and that would be temporary. It would be much like those who win the lottery then quickly blow through that money and end up bankrupt. Or like those who are billionaires yet they are always looking for a way to make more money. There is never enough. They can never permanently scratch that itch and be satisfied. It becomes obvious that we live in a broken world. Will it ever be made right?
The answer is an emphatic YES! For those of us who love God, we will see it all made right. That is God’s promise to us. Jesus is preparing a place for us where everything will be right. No more YouTube videos to fix stuff, unless you enjoy that sort of thing. No more politics. No more snarky memes. No more wars fighting over who is in power. No more cancer or death. It is God who is in power and we will all agree that his decisions are perfect. He is good, loving, kind, brilliant and all powerful. He is what we all long for.
But the answer is also “not today”. So should we quit trying to scratch the itch? What do we do while we wait? How should we live? I believe that a concise answer that fits us all is given in Micah 6:8. Here it is as written in The Message translation:
But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don’t take yourself too seriously—take God seriously.
You will probably recognize it better in the NIV translation.
Micah 6:8 He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
“Here comes Lizzy”! And we would all scatter. Lizzy was a teenage girl in our church who was clingy and a little different. We were not tolerant or loving toward her. We avoided her and did nothing kind to her. We didn’t include her in our plans if we could avoid it comfortably. When someone was convicted to be kind and stepped out, they were isolated with Lizzy. Looking back, I am ashamed of my choice to follow the crowd. And the crowd was comprised of really nice people when you talked to them individually. Each has grown up to be a good kind person. The crowd mindset was the bully. The individuals were not.
I believe a bully is a group because they act together or with the approval of the accepted members. They only appear to act as an individual but they act only for the approval of the group. Each individual is a coward. Sometimes there is a leader of sorts. That is usually a charismatic extrovert who is a spokesman. But fellow introverts, we don’t get off that easy. Without all of the introverted backers this person would not be in charge. The bully is a crowd. Not limited to a crowd of neighborhood kids, it can be a crowd of adults sitting behind their phone posting memes and laughing.
If you think bullying is limited to kids you would be mistaken. As we all know, some of the worst cases of bullying happen between adults at work. However, we label adult office bullying as ‘toxic work environment’. It usually happens when leadership is unfair, ineffective or oblivious that a new leader of sorts steps up and takes over. The bully is made up of a mixture of insecure individuals who find security in fitting in. It is comprised of those who know they are wrong and don’t have the courage to rock the boat, and those who choose not to think but enjoy the thrill of belonging the majority.
What about Hitler? Wasn’t he an example of an individual bully? Well yes, but he would have just been a crazy individual who lived and died alone without followers. His group was the bully. It took thousands of unthinking cowards to commit all the atrocities credited to Hitler alone.
It is not wrong to belong. Humans are by nature pack animals. We belong to families, friend groups, churches, neighborhoods, political parties, and work cohorts. We love waving the flag of countries, states, churches, teams and politicians. We wear the T-shirt. We post memes reflecting the beliefs of our groups. We put bumper stickers on our vehicles. This only becomes wrong when we follow, wave or post without thinking or questioning actions and words of the group. When we wear the t-shirt, we are giving our stamp of approval to the ideology of the group. If we quit analyzing this, we start bullying. We must be thinkers.
What groups do I currently belong to? It is these groups that can be cowards who go with the flow no matter what is said or done. It seems to be rare to find a group of inclusive people who are like-minded but maintain the courage to speak up or step out of the group if they get off track. I must be careful when a group I belong to acts or speaks in ways that are not what Jesus taught. If I keep my mouth shut and continue to belong, I am the bully. If I continue to wave the flag of the group I am the bully. If I don’t think about words iterated by the group, I am the bully.
Lord, forgive me for the times I have belonged without thinking. Help me always question the beliefs of any group I belong to. Give me the courage to step away when it is out of your will.
In church last Sunday I heard this quote and it resonated with me. In fact, so much so that I can’t get it off of my mind. So, naturally, I must blog about it.
What makes the temptation of power so seemingly irresistible? Maybe it is that power offers an easy substitute for the hard task of love. It seems easier to be God than to love God, easier to control people than to love people, easier to own life than to love life.
Henri Nouwen
This could possibly be the number one relationship pitfall. It happens between parents and children, spouses, friends, bosses and employees, and relatives.
I look at how God designed our universe. He always left the choices to us to accept or reject. He gave us instructions for success then he stepped back. He lets us fail yet he always lovingly welcomes us back into his open arms if we choose. He demonstrated the difference in love vs. control. I wonder how they seem to be opposites yet somehow one easily morphs into the other. Love holds on with a loose but unending hold accepting the other person, warts and all. It never lets go no matter the choices of the loved. It never looks away. It never gives up. See 1 Corinthians 13 for a refresher.
Control holds on with a suffocating grip. It lets go when the controlled doesn’t follow directives, lacks oxygen and in a desperate struggle for air, they have no choice but to break free and leave the controller. So power effectively suffocates love. What love and control have in common is relationship. They often feel the same to the controller. And sometimes what starts as love gradually becomes control. Control is an if-then relationship. Love is a no-matter-what relationship. Control happens slowly and leads to the demise of so many relationships.
If I could master this one thing, my relationships would be so much smoother. I believe that boundaries are needed to pull this off. These boundaries get breached one by one in long term relationships and I must learn to step back before it is too late. Look at the wisdom of 38 Special! I have sung these lyrics so many times but never stopped to listen to the message.
Hold on Loosely by 38 Special
You see it all around you Good lovin' gone bad And usually it's too late when you, realize what you had And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago (who told me)
Just hold on loosely But don't let go If you cling too tightly You're gonna lose control
Your baby needs someone to believe in And a whole lot of space to breathe in It's so damn easy, when your feelings are such To overprotect her, to love her too much And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago (who told me) Just hold on loosely But don't let go If you cling too tight babe You're gonna loose control
And usually it's too late when you realize what you had
Source: LyricFind Songwriters: James Peterik / Jeff Carlisi / Richard Donald Barnes
So what makes love such a hard task? Boundaries. Letting go when I know what will happen if my loved one makes the wrong choice. Keeping my mouth shut when my experience sees the pitfalls right in front of my partner. Letting my child make stupid mistakes and not saying “I told you so”. Being there to hold them after they have made those wrong choices. Oh, but this is so hard!
Remember the father in the Prodigal Son? He held on loosely.
While going through the museum, questions kept creeping into my brain. What led someone to think this genocide was ok or that it didn’t happen? So many drank the Hitler Kool-aid and they were who kept him in a power position. Why didn’t they realize that their unquestioning devotion was what placed him in that position? What were the precursors to this genocide? What led those who stood up against this carnage to do what they did? What, pray tell, made folks do nothing? And where would I have fallen in this scenario? I’ll let you research for yourself the answer to these questions. My questions were answered and it was eye opening.
What I want to share with you is that those who took a stand against this genocide were labeled “up-standers”. So I noted what the careers of the up-standers were and I was pleasantly surprised that the majority of the female up-standers were educators. But to keep a level-headed perspective on the situation also I note this quote from my favorite educational psychologist, Israeli, Haim Ginott.
I am a survivor of a concentration camp. My eyes saw what no person should witness: gas chambers built by learned engineers. Children poisoned by educated physicians. Infants killed by trained nurses. Women and babies shot by high school and college graduates. So, I am suspicious of education. My request is this: Help your children become human. Your efforts must never produce learned monsters, skilled psychopaths or educated Eichmanns. Reading, writing, and arithmetic are important only if they serve to make our children more human.
So according to Haim Ginott, an education does not immunize you against becoming an agent of hate. However, educating children on ethics and making children more human is critical.
Clearly, this puts educators in a pivotal position. Maybe the most important thing teachers teach each day is empathy, understanding, patience and kindness. Teach what you were hired to teach, but remember what is truly crucial is how you teach. It is how you handle yourself and others that speaks louder than any words that are preached from an old-school Baptist pulpit. Remember, as an educator, you are in a powerful position of influence.
As a young public school teacher who felt that teaching God’s love was so much more important than teaching science, I came to the following conclusion after a great deal of soul searching. There is no call to cease teaching reading, writing, science, history, athletics, ag, music and math to begin preaching because actions speak so loudly to students. A Christian education is taught when I do my job to the best of my ability, with integrity, showing children love and kindness regardless of whether I teach in a public or private Christian school. Children watch how their teachers interact and this is where ethics are taught. This is not taught from a textbook. Those eyes are on you, educators.
“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”
The homeless beggar on the street
The coworker who is always on time and helpful The coworker who is always late and surly The coworker who doesn't deserve the position he is in The head of the company, CEO The salesman who sold me a lemon car The checker with a long line at the grocery store The guy who holds the door for me The lady who cuts in line in front of me Those who have a lifestyle that is different from mine Those who campaign against abortion Those who campaign for a woman’s right to abortion Drug addicts
Drug dealer
Guy who broke into my house
Policemen Firemen
My ex-husband
My boss
Those who are swindling the welfare system
My elderly parents
The nurse caring for the elderly
The coworker who snitches on everyone
My pastor
That argumentative atheist on Facebook
My child’s teacher who obviously hates my child
The coach who won’t let my child off of the bench
The kind, hardworking custodian
Wife-beaters
Neo-Nazis
Left extremists
Nancy Pelosi
Donald Trump
I need to spend a little time thinking about treating everyone as God’s child, and not just those who I deem worthy. Treating “good” people well and “bad” people poorly is a worldly point of view and not at all like Christ. I should treat all of those on the list above with kindness and equity. This is what Jesus called me to do. He loves them all and as his child, he expects me to do the same. I am not called to judge, but to love. And the main point is “Who am I to judge?”
While watching a popular high school girl helping a fellow student with her homework, I noticed how kind and caring she was to this lonely girl who had a foul odor and shabby clothing. People even commented on what a compassionate heart the popular girl had. Then I watched this same popular girl in a very different situation act hateful to someone that she perceived as a bad guy.
How many times do I, like this popular high school girl, act kindly to those who I perceive as worthy of my kindness while at the same time, act cold to those who I blame for some circumstance in my life? How many times do I ignore someone who made a decision that I dislike? It seems that we as Christians will stop everything to care for, and talk to those who we deem worthy, but we do not bother to reach out to those who we perceive as a threat or those in whom we disagree. Is there really any difference at all in the way I treat people and the way a non-Christian treats people?
Lord, please forgive my sin of judging. Help me to be Christ-like to all. Help me see when my judgment gets in the way of my Christian witness. Help me remember that a Christianity based on my perception is not Christianity at all. It is nothing like You called me to be. May I be the light and salt to the world, even on social media.You called me to love and not to judge. And most of all, may my eyes be on You.
I have a vivid memory of him standing at the pulpit, sweat dripping down, jowls swinging in emphasis as he addressed the listeners in the pews as “Beloved”. That was my dad. I often wondered why he chose this name for his congregation. So I did a little research. It means dearly loved or a much loved person. The English Standard Version of the Bible has 104 verses with the term beloved. The more popular New International Version changed the term to ‘dear friends’ and ‘one whom I love’. Each time the term is used, it is a term of endearment like our ‘honey’, ‘sugar’, or in my husband’s family, ‘sweet thang’. When you are called beloved, you are singled out as special.
To truly understand a term, sometimes you have to look at it’s antonyms. So here it is. Have you ever been trapped in a situation where you believed the person or people around you did not like you or even loathed you for some reason? How did you feel? How did you behave? Was your behavior affected in any way? Where did your thoughts go? Did you become sullen and quiet or did you become rebellious, no longer caring? Did your perspective shift to darkness? Did you read something negative into every word your detractors uttered? Did this belief shade your world for that period of time? If you have never been in this situation, you are very fortunate. Or maybe not. This situation gives you an understanding that you could not have without it.
Too often as a teacher, I saw students who lived their life in this way. They acted as if they were despised by everyone. They trusted no one and read evil into even the most benign statements. Some were sullen and silent hoping to go unnoticed. Many would act out and violate all rules. I cannot imagine the life of a child who lives feeling unloved or despised by everyone around them. This is a sad existence.
In Genesis 16 a story is told of a woman by the name of Hagar. She lived her life as a slave, then bad went to worse when she was used in a plan devised by her owner, and in turn was mistreated. So she ran away. But God sent an angel to this woman to show her he loved her. Her response is as follows.
Genesis 16:13 NIV
[13] She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me, ” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”
She now had what she needed to return and stand tall in the face of her abusers. When she saw the love of her creator who cared enough to send an angel, she could live her life, however difficult, as one seen by God.
What if we lived each day as a beloved child of God regardless of circumstances? Is this even possible? Is this attitude sustainable in a life of ups and downs? Ask yourself how God shows you that he loves you. What if you kept your eyes on these love gifts. God shows me his love in everything from soft p.j.’s to the color blue. And it is most important that I stop to consider his love daily so that I operate from a stance of being loved.
How do you act differently when you are around those who accept you and hold you in high esteem? I stand a little taller and laugh a little louder. I express myself and show my love toward others more freely. Make it your goal to uncover the ways God shows his love for you everyday. Beloved, practice living from a stance of being dearly loved.
