There is No Such Thing as a Bully

“Here comes Lizzy”! And we would all scatter. Lizzy was a teenage girl in our church who was clingy and a little different. We were not tolerant or loving toward her. We avoided her and did nothing kind to her. We didn’t include her in our plans if we could avoid it comfortably. When someone was convicted to be kind and stepped out, they were isolated with Lizzy. Looking back, I am ashamed of my choice to follow the crowd. And the crowd was comprised of really nice people when you talked to them individually. Each has grown up to be a good kind person. The crowd mindset was the bully. The individuals were not.

I believe a bully is a group because they act together or with the approval of the accepted members. They only appear to act as an individual but they act only for the approval of the group. Each individual is a coward. Sometimes there is a leader of sorts. That is usually a charismatic extrovert who is a spokesman. But fellow introverts, we don’t get off that easy. Without all of the introverted backers this person would not be in charge. The bully is a crowd. Not limited to a crowd of neighborhood kids, it can be a crowd of adults sitting behind their phone posting memes and laughing.

If you think bullying is limited to kids you would be mistaken. As we all know, some of the worst cases of bullying happen between adults at work. However, we label adult office bullying as ‘toxic work environment’. It usually happens when leadership is unfair, ineffective or oblivious that a new leader of sorts steps up and takes over. The bully is made up of a mixture of insecure individuals who find security in fitting in. It is comprised of those who know they are wrong and don’t have the courage to rock the boat, and those who choose not to think but enjoy the thrill of belonging the majority.

What about Hitler? Wasn’t he an example of an individual bully? Well yes, but he would have just been a crazy individual who lived and died alone without followers. His group was the bully. It took thousands of unthinking cowards to commit all the atrocities credited to Hitler alone.

It is not wrong to belong. Humans are by nature pack animals. We belong to families, friend groups, churches, neighborhoods, political parties, and work cohorts. We love waving the flag of countries, states, churches, teams and politicians. We wear the T-shirt. We post memes reflecting the beliefs of our groups. We put bumper stickers on our vehicles. This only becomes wrong when we follow, wave or post without thinking or questioning actions and words of the group. When we wear the t-shirt, we are giving our stamp of approval to the ideology of the group. If we quit analyzing this, we start bullying. We must be thinkers.

What groups do I currently belong to? It is these groups that can be cowards who go with the flow no matter what is said or done. It seems to be rare to find a group of inclusive people who are like-minded but maintain the courage to speak up or step out of the group if they get off track. I must be careful when a group I belong to acts or speaks in ways that are not what Jesus taught. If I keep my mouth shut and continue to belong, I am the bully. If I continue to wave the flag of the group I am the bully. If I don’t think about words iterated by the group, I am the bully.

Lord, forgive me for the times I have belonged without thinking. Help me always question the beliefs of any group I belong to. Give me the courage to step away when it is out of your will.

Are You a Man or a Mouse?

 If you were to pick an animal to represent courage, what would you pick? I’m thinking it would probably be a lion or another fierce animal. If you were to pick a profession that is courageous, what would you pick? I would bet my husband’s pickup that you picked a firefighter or a cop and you are picturing a big beefy strong man. Ladies, stop that right now! This is not that kind of blog.

What if we have courage all wrong? What if courage is best represented by a tiny mouse? What if the most courageous career is a waitress, a teacher or a nurse? What if courage is more commonly found in women and children and not in grown men? Mind-blowing, huh?

So what is courage? Maybe a definition would be helpful. If you were to define courage, you might say that it is acting without fear. But that is actually the opposite of the definition in the dictionary. You might be surprised to know that both the Oxford dictionary and Webster’s include fear in their definition of courage. My favorite is, “Courage is the ability to do something that frightens one”. By this definition, courage and fear are tied together. If you are not frightened, how could you be courageous? This means courage doesn’t exist without fear. So those of us who are the most frightened are actually in a position to be the most courageous!

So if you want to see courage in biblical action, don’t look at Samson. Look at those in the most vulnerable positions like Rahab, the prostitute who led the Israelite spies to safety. Look at Mary the mother of Jesus, who had to evade folks trying to kill her baby and raise the Savior of the world. Look at Esther who had to stare possible death in the face and stand up to the King in a culture of manipulation and male domination. Look to those who lived in fear of being fed to the lions, who hid in caves and cellars but still continued on spreading the Good News anyway.

Oh what I would give to be one of those happy-go-lucky fearless people! But they are not courageous. They can’t be. Because without fear, there is no courage. Only the most fearful have the capacity for the most courage. This is quite upside-down to our accepted world definition of courage. It doesn’t take as much courage to be a mighty lion as it does to be a tiny “snack-a-licious” mouse.

Notice also in the definition of courage, it is not the ability to do something that frightens EVERYONE but the ability to do something that frightens ONE. It may be your own personal fear, something in which no one else takes issue. So next time you wake up fearing what the day ahead will bring, know that you have been placed in a position that demands courage. Pray to God for the ability to keep on keeping on. Trust Him to give you the courage to face your own personal giants. Then at the end of this day, celebrate the victory of being a courageous hero over your fear.

Feeling the Agony of Defeat?

 

My husband and I have a passion for protecting Texas public schools. We did not plan this, it came about organically due to working in public education for 37 years in various positions from teacher to superintendent, all over the state of Texas. Together, we have a perspective into public education that very few Texans are privileged to see. We have seen the amazing work that public school employees do daily, against all odds and we know it is God’s work. We have repeatedly seen educators take on the role of not only educator, but protector and mentor for the children in this state and we are passionate about public education for that reason.

"Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me" (Matthew 25:40, 45, NIV)

We have also seen first-hand, the well-planned relentless attacks and lies about public schools and their educators by those in state office who want to use public school funding for their own purposes. Many Texans are buying into their deception and we are heartbroken. In our own county, we have seen a qualified experienced public school supporter defeated at the polls by an unqualified candidate who supports the defunding of public education. We are discouraged to say the least. But the following story helps me take heart in the face of this defeat.

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In Acts 20, the situation was that the Apostle Paul had been spreading the good news about a risen Christ to people all over, establishing thriving churches full of followers of Christ. However, Paul is told repeatedly that he would go to jail and suffer for this work. And he knew this to be true.

 "And now I am bound by the Spirit to go to Jerusalem. I don't know what awaits me, except that the Holy Spirit tells me in city after city that jail and suffering lie ahead. But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus-the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God. (Acts 20:22-24 NLT)

We know that Paul continued in his work and was imprisoned and he did suffer. He must have had moments where he succumbed to thoughts of defeat. In his lifetime he only saw a tiny portion of the success of his mission. But we also know, looking back two thousand years later, that Paul’s efforts were not in vain. God used his work in spreading the gospel to the world and today we read his words in the millions of Bibles that are currently published.

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You see, the lesson is that yes, we may not see success of our mission in this lifetime. But God is in charge and he will make beauty come from the ashes. And our part we play is to listen to his voice and follow the God-given passion in our hearts. So know that if God has ordained it, you must continue even in the face of eminent defeat. We have seen that God takes small efforts and assignments and exponentially multiplies the outcome.

Is It Stupidity or Courage?

Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay 

Discerning a courageous move from a stupid move can be challenging. For most of us, courage isn’t rushing into burning buildings to rescue kittens. For me, that would be stupid rather than courageous. I used to think being bold for Christ was going to work in Africa as a missionary. And it is. I was right. But that may not be MY bold. Courage is about doing something that you know you should when it is easier not to. I believe that God-given boldness comes with a spark of desire. He does not expect us to do what he hasn’t given us the motivation to do. At least that is what I think. Being bold is not my forte. I am a comfort-loving, go-with-the-flow girl so this is my exploration of courage and boldness.

The Bible is full of examples of boldness. Zacchaeus climbing a tree to see Jesus, the disciples dropping everything to follow Jesus, Joseph marrying the pregnant Mary, Esther approaching a volatile king on behalf of her people, or Elijah creating a duel between the fire-making skills of God verses Baal and being rather sassy about it. This is only scratching the surface of the examples of courage in the Bible. But what I must remember is that Zacchaeus, Joseph, Esther and Elijah were not superheroes. They were all human just like me. They were imperfect and afraid. Yet they followed God and took the first step.

Today your courage may be going to the doctor. For others it may be going to church again. For some, it may take boldness to trust someone else to do the job. Boldness could mean cleaning out the junk(literally and figuratively). It could be forgiving someone, letting a child go, asking for help, ignoring opinions of others, moving on without a spouse, visiting an old friend, speaking to a group or even going on vacation. 

So here are three questions I need to ask myself before I take that bold step. 

1. Have my loved ones been hinting at(nagging about) this step for me? Many times the next bold step is obvious to your loved ones but you are hesitant. Listen to them. God often uses our loved ones to guide us.
2. Do I have hope for improvement resulting from this or do I have a passion or desire to do this but I am held back by fear?
3. Have I prayed about it?

If my answer to all of these questions is no then I could be staring into the face of an act of stupidity. But if the answer to the first or second question is yes, then it is time to make the answer to the third question yes. Maybe it is time to take this first bold ste