Three Truths

Being a socially awkward, opinionated introvert that loves to talk has its drawbacks.  For example, if I know someone is 100% wrong, I will tell them in no uncertain terms that this is so, where someone who is not socially stunted would just let it go.  On my own power this is impossible for me.  Realizing this leads to many hours of regret, shame and frustration.  

Recently I  brought my shame, over analyzing, and lamenting to God.  He didn’t make me feel better...immediately.  I had to continue to go through the motions while in mental distress and depression.  Later in my day I was confronted with three truths that I believe God placed before me in the perfect order.  

The first truth was that shame is “me” focused while repentance is “God” focused.  I needed to wrench my vision away from how my sin affected my relationships with other people and realize how it affected my relationship with God.  That was the offense. I failed to listen to the Holy Spirit.  However this revelation still didn’t calm my mind.  It kept spinning thinking I would never get it right and this was all futile, feeling like for every step God took me forward, I made two steps back.  Frustration with my frailty was taking over my mind.  

This is when I heard the second truth. While absentmindedly listening to the radio preacher I heard him say that worry was a sin for Christians because it is saying all God’s promises and love are a lie.  In no uncertain terms, I am conveying to others and God and that God is a liar when I worry.   At this point I was convicted.  I was worrying and calling God a liar.  I asked Him to once again forgive me but got no relief from my gut wrenching turmoil, still feeling like a total screwup.

The radio sermon was followed by a promotion for a book that was titled, It’s OK Not to Be OK by Sheila Walsh. This simple title hit my heart.  I realized that I am a cracked jar of clay and that is ok.  It is the human condition and why I must rely on God. Immediately relief flooded my troubled mind.  I didn’t even have to read the book (but I will). My loving Father sent me exactly what I needed, exactly when I needed it.  He is so good to me.