Breakups

I am old enough to remember when the Beatles broke up.  It was blamed on John Lennon's wife, Yoko Ono.  I can also remember the breakup of Sonny and Cher, the Doobie brothers and Miranda and Blake.  Contrary to popular belief, I do not remember the “breakups” of Henry VIII.  (I took the liberty to qualify beheading as a breakup.) No matter your age, I’ll bet you could name a few too.  Breakups are a harsh reality of life and not just modern life. They happened back in the days of old. They are part of the human condition and life on earth.  In biblical times there was the vicious division of Joseph from his brothers and also there was Paul and Barnabas who went their separate ways for far less traumatic reasons.  

Breakups are a part of what makes life so dynamic. It is hard to get a grip on what path life will take next. Like shooting at an erratically moving target, we anticipate one direction only to find that life went off in an opposite tangent.  Although in some situations a breakup is a blessing, it is hard to see any good in most breakups.  They cause pain to all involved. Why do they happen?  The list of reasons is long and includes motivations varying from a deep convictions to infidelity.  

If the breakup is close to our circle of influence, our first instinct is to try to reverse the breakup. However, the harsh reality is that, unlike like the movie(s)Parent Trap, this seldom works.  We simply have to face the harsh reality.  It usually takes years to 
be 
ok with it and even still, there is that pang when we remember what used to be.  

Survivor’s guilt of those who are acquaintances of the persons who broke up is 
inevitable. My first gut reaction is wondering what I could have done to prevent the 
breakup. This is what children of divorce often have to deal with.  Deep down we know there is nothing that we did wrong and nothing we could have done differently. But it is hard to shake the self-recrimination. 

Another issue in dealing with breakups is, like the harsh treatment of Yoko Ono after the Beatles breakup, we chose to play the blame game, selecting one individual that appears most responsible. We see them in a position of culpability and chose to dump all our anger, regret and sadness on the shoulders of one individual.  This has seldom, 
if ever, proved to be true.  (So Yoko, you are off the hook in my eyes.) A breakup that was initiated by one individual often started with unfulfilled expectations and mistakes that were many years in the making. These unfulfilled expectations can be found in those who are both directly and indirectly involved and not just one individual. The blame game is dangerous in that our lives become jaded by bitterness when we chose this unforgiving route, giving the enemy a foothold in our heart. The debt we pay for bitterness is devastating, stealing both our mental and physical well-being.  

One of God’s best tricks is using what was meant for bad to accomplish good.  This is his speciality. He has been doing this since before Joseph’s brothers threw seventeen-year-old Joseph in a well, leaving him for dead. The story of Joseph in 
Genesis 37-50 is on my top ten all-time favorites! Spoiler alert: After many painful 
years, being ripped from his family, not knowing if he would live to see the next day, delivered by God time and time again, Joseph finally was given the opportunity to confront his cruel brothers from a position of power and he had the following to say.

      Genesis 50:20 NIV

      [20] You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish
      what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Did you see it? There was not a trace of bitterness in him.  He was completely healed and focused on God, not on the evil act of his brothers.  Note also that many years had passed since his brothers threw him into a dry well.  

Surviving a breakup takes focus on God over time, maybe even a lifetime. I have found that forgiveness also takes time and dedication, giving it to God and letting it go over and over again.  Be patient with yourself and with God’s timing. He is good and one day you will realize he has been faithful to answer your prayers in a most surprising fashion. 

So how do we move on? Like the answer to all questions posed to children in bible school, the answer is Jesus or God.  We must stay in constant contact with the Healer.  Only he knows us better than we know ourselves. Through sincere seeking, He will reveal things that we could not see otherwise.  And remember, this healing from God may take a lifetime but if we will stick with him throughout, he will change us for the better.  This is how we move on.

Lord, help me accept the different pathways in those that I love, realizing it is ok.  You will be there for each of us if we chose you above all else.