Changes

Have you ever witnessed the drama of a high school senior's last year in high school?  As a retired high school teacher and parent of three, I have.  Knowing of the impending departure makes parents and children act crazy! Most of the time both the parents and the soon-to-be graduates begin picking out faults in each other.  Then the hurtful words are returned and tears are shed. Sometimes it escalates to the point that parents are ready to slam the door shut when their child walks out yelling, don’t let the door hit ya’ where the Good Lord split ya’! Graduates and parents don’t really mean the hurtful things they say, they are just trying to work the band aid off slowly, hoping it will hurt less when the moment of loss actually arrives.  Graduation is just one example of major life changes.  Some others are a change of job, moving, marriage, divorce, retiring, changing schools or changing churches.  As adults in transition, we often begin picking at our current relationships in a way similar to what seniors in high school do, trying to anesthetize our loss.

I am a seasoned “transitioner”. In my 60 years, I have moved 27 times, changed employers over 20 times and witnessed 36 graduating classes.  If you are in a season of life changes, here are are my words of advice.  

1. Rein in your wandering mind. I think 2 Corinthians 10:5 applies here. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. It is so hard to stay in the present; sometimes the future is so much more exciting.  It is good and natural to be excited about your prospects. But now is the time to be present in the moment.  There is a time and place for everything. A good rule of thumb is if you physically haven’t stepped into the new place, do not spend time there mentally.  I hate to tell you, but most of your mental preparation will prove wrong anyway. At least mine always did. Stay in the present even if it is painful, boring and tedious. I have found the best way to stay present in the moment is to throw myself into the task at hand, striving for the best ever transition, leaving the place healthier than I found it.  Ecclesiastes 3:1,7 NIV [1] There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens: [7] a time to tear and a time to mend... The time to tear will come, and just like a band aid, rip it off quickly at the proper time and move on.
2. Remember you are not the only one who is going through this. Unfortunately, this is where I always blew my exit. I forgot that the people I love are forced into this transition by my decision and may feel hurt and resentment.  Reach out to them with love.  Let them know how much you will miss them in deeds, not mere words.  And I mean...seek them out. Spend time with them. Actions speak so much louder than words.  And remember the saying, “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the ones you are with.”
3. Trust God’s provision for the actual moment when you step out the door.  A big part of the reason we mishandle goodbyes is because we are anxious about the future.  Remind yourself of the command in Philippians 4:6-7. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, submit your requests to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus. I love this passage because it is not just a command, but a simple recipe on how to carry it out. Pray and be thankful. This will result in peace from God that will guard your anxious heart and mind.  

Lord I ask that you give me grace to let those I love leave and the presence of mind to love and spend time with those that are still with me.