Mr. Rogers’ Advice

You need to know, my blogs are simply sermons to myself. This blog was inspired by reading Tim Madigan's Book, I'm Proud of You. Writing this is my reminder to be transparent. Mr. Rogers reminds me that it is only in my vulnerability that I have relationships and it is only through those relationships that I become an effective follower of Christ.  

Susan

While trying to comfort a family member over an issue in which he felt shame, I told him that there is freedom in letting people know what we are going through. I pointed out that many people are also dealing with the same thing and they would benefit from his shared experience. His answer shut me down. He said that he would continue to keep that family pride and that he would never let anyone know the issue he was dealing with. He built an impenetrable wall. He is now a very lonely man. Sadly, since then, he has successfully shut out his family, and this loss has been heartbreaking for me as well as others in his family. 

Shame holds us hostage. We believe the lie that if people really knew the truth about us, the worst of the worst would happen. We imagine losing our job, our family, or our friends to revealing the truth of our humanity. This deception is straight from the author of lies! We have told ourselves these untruths so many times that it has become ingrained in our psyche as fact. We think if we open up, we will no longer be loved. We think that honesty is a straight path to being a vulnerable crybaby. We think tough people are stoic and cool. Yet Jesus taught the opposite when he said in Matthew 18:3, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” I believe a part of what Jesus was talking about was the trusting, truth-telling aspect of a child. 

We find many vulnerable bible characters that are an example of truly transparent people. The first that comes to my mind is David.  He was a great king, yet a fallible human.  He cried out to God in song and freely admitted his feelings and failures.  He was an open book, yet he was a Man after God’s Own Heart.  He is still known today as the greatest of kings and would probably be included in our top ten people to meet in heaven. 

Samson was known for his physical strength. He was a braggart and a liar.  He had a horrible temper and loved to get the better of those around him.  Yet deep down, he knew where his strength came from. He knew it was all from God and it wasn’t until he was broken and surrendered to the truth of God that he really did anything great.  

“It is a lot easier to love someone when you know their story.”  ~ Fred Rogers

But let’s look at it from the other side. How do you get close to someone that never opens up?  How do we relate to someone who never made a mistake, had a regret or did something stupid or rash?  When we meet people like that, it is like running smack into a wall. Sometimes it is failure to discuss anything deeper than the weather, and sometimes it is just silence. Their silence sends us a message of lack of trust. This lack of trust is more repelling than the Great Wall of China. Silence is a relationship killer.  It is a no admittance sign hung boldly on every conversation that never gets any deeper than “I’m fine.” Sometimes this sign is in the form of bragging or relentless success stories. Each of us has our unique defensive mechanism that we throw out at a moment’s notice like the ink cloud from a disturbed squid. 

So how do we begin to break through this Great Wall?  Breaking down a wall calls for power!  And we have power at our fingertips through prayer. This brings me back to yet another saying of Fred Rogers, “Anything mentionable is manageable.” Start by mentioning your truth to God.  Now, we all know that God is no blabbermouth, so that may be the easiest part. So, I believe the next thing to discuss with the Father is to ask for the power to chip away at that wall and also ask him to make us cognizant of how and when we create these walls.  Ask Him to help us see our stinking thinking. And if we are serious about this, we should ask for courage to open up to someone we can trust.  To break through this wall we will have to find a time, place and a trusted person in which to express our truth.  And as my pastor, David Alexander, pointed out, unless we mention it, it will always manage us. This is a journey and will not be accomplished overnight.  It will take cooperation and the courage to be vulnerable and put ourselves out there. 

Lord I pray for the courage to be vulnerable. I ask for the discernment to see when I am being defensive and not genuine. Please show me my defensive mechanisms and reveal the lies of the enemy that are ingrained in my head.  May my relationships with my friends and family grow so that I can do what you placed me on earth to do.