Hallmark Movies

 I am not a fan of movies where, in the end, the bad guy wins. And I don’t think many other people like them either. I am making this bold statement judging by the popularity of Hallmark movies. We want the good guy to win in our fiction as well as in real life. But more times than not, in daily life we see wrong appear to win over right.

You may have seen what happens to people who have allowed bitterness to rule their heart. Their thoughts become consumed with fear and malice and they slowly become isolated in their bitter world. All their joy has vanished. If we could trace the origin of their bitterness I believe we would find that it started when an unfairness, disappointment, pain, or injustice happened and they believed that wrong won over right. Do not discount this. Bitterness is a tricky ploy of the enemy and it begins with waving the flag of righteous indignation. At this point it is our response to this apparent injustice that matters. 

Guard your heart. We are told in scripture throughout the Bible to guard our hearts. But what does this mean? As we all know, our world is full of unfair situations and it is our response to it that matters to the health of our soul. We cannot control those situations but we can control our response to that unfairness.

I don’t know about you, but my gut response to unfairness and disappointment is anger. Then I shoot off my mouth. Then I internalize it. Then it plants a tiny seed of bitterness. Bitterness is an underestimated powerful, slow acting poison. The natural way animals know not to eat a poisonous plant is a bitter taste. This is a lesson from nature. If you don’t believe me, just feed a small child their first bite of broccoli and then duck. In much the same way as consuming poison, that seed of bitterness grows in my heart and slowly begins to taint my thoughts and words. If I continue to feed this bitterness with wandering thoughts and internet rabbit holes, it slowly poisons my heart and causes a long drawn out suicide to the spirit in me.

Praise God, there is an antidote to bitterness’ venom once it has a hold on my heart! It was given in the Lord’s Prayer. “And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Forgiveness is the antidote to this poison. And Jesus must have known the destruction left by bitterness because he chose to address it in his model prayer. Forgiveness is anything but easy and it must become a daily habit until all the bitterness is gone.

Matthew 6:12 AMP – And forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors [letting go of both the wrong and the resentment].

So what do we do to steer clear of bitterness when facing the apparent win of evil? Again we need to turn to the Bible. There are plenty of stories of injustice from Genesis to the New Testament. But my favorite response to injustice is in Psalms. Psalms is a book of prayers and praise to God. If you have read the book of Psalms through, you will be surprised by many of them. So many of them express fear, sadness and anger to God over situations in life. Some of it seems inappropriate by our standards yet those who were experiencing injustice boldly asked God for retaliation. They cried out to God in the honesty of their feelings. Here is an example from King David when folks were lying about him.

Psalm 5:8-10 NIV – Lead me, LORD, in your righteousness because of my enemies— make your way straight before me. Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with malice. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongues they tell lies. Declare them guilty, O God! Let their intrigues be their downfall. Banish them for their many sins, for they have rebelled against you.

I believe that is the most appropriate place to voice our anger and indignation. As we become more tuned in to the Holy Spirit we become more sensitive to the injustice of this world. So after crying out to God, we must remind ourselves of who is really in control and in his almighty power which we cannot begin to fathom. God does not tell us that this surrendered life will be a cakewalk. In fact he tells us that we will have troubles but he has let us have a peek at the final chapter and it will be far beyond that happy Hallmark ending we desire.

The Facade

 Far too often I have stomped my foot and said “I will never”.  No one has ever said to me, “You know, you need to be more decisive.” But through these last few years I have discovered a beauty and growth that changing my mind can bring about. 

At the ripe old age of ten, I thought it would be beyond horrible to live in a stucco house. Then my family moved to New Mexico. Since then I have been blessed to live in many stucco houses including the one I live in now. Looking back I see how silly I was. I see now how my own rules and preferences limited my choices for no reason. How many blessings have I missed because of my silly personal rules and pig-headed mindset? 

In the Bible, being stiff-necked is not a desirable attitude. So why do we often see flexibility and changing our mind as a personality flaw? We unflatteringly label those who change their minds as wishy-washy. We forget that listening to the Holy Spirit to guide us requires a pliable mindset. Instead of drawing so many lines in the sand maybe we could open the door to be blessed with friendship, joy and new perspectives. 

We laugh about the ridiculous number of rules that the Jewish Pharisees followed but how many do we try to follow to live in polite society? Never double dip; always answer I’m fine how are you; answer yes ma’am and yes sir; wipe your feet before you walk in the door; tip the wait staff; wipe down the shower door after you use it; pick up the dog poop when you walk your dog; open the door for people; offer to help in the kitchen; give your seat to those who are elderly and this list could continue to well over 613! Rules we follow in polite society can be overwhelming. But these are not the rules that this blog is about. It is about those personally chosen inner rules. 

It is about the ones that sound like “I won’t ever”. The “I won’t evers” cover choices about what we eat, drink, drive, and where we live, what we do for a living, who we hang out with, church attendance, schools we attend, clothes we wear and our favorite pastimes. All of these things are legitimate choices we have to make. 

What if we removed all the “I will never” lines we made in the sand? Would we turn into a bunch of liberal hippies living in a commune or would we be more open to what the Holy Spirit has in store for us? What if we considered eating something that we have sworn we would never eat? What if we considered going to a church we said we would never attend, going to a school that is not special or elite, wearing an outfit that doesn’t suit our age, hanging out with someone with whom we wouldn’t normally associate, driving a vehicle from that company that we don’t like or taking a new job living somewhere we never would consider. Would that make us out of control or would that allow the Holy Spirit to shine through making us happier people with lots of choices? Many times the rules we make for ourselves are the toughest ones to break. They are a prison of our choosing. 

Blessed, broken and forgiven: These are the actions Jesus made when he initiated the covenant of the last supper. He does the blessing and forgiving. Maybe we need to spend a little more time on the truth of our brokenness. If, like me, you have always seen changing your mind as a weakness, maybe it is time that you take the first step to stop the facade of strength, and begin living in truth as flexible, broken, forgiven and joyful. 

Humility Redefined

We don't have the English word we need to describe what the Beatitudes called meekness. However, I saw an example of humility or biblical meekness the other night while listening to a a rock/country singer-songwriter, Jelly Roll. He obviously didn’t live a privileged life like mine but found his way to the stage of the Grand Ole Opry singing a song called “I Need a Favor”. The line from this song that caught my attention goes like this:

I only talk to God when I need a favor
And I only pray when I ain’t got a prayer
So tell me, who the hell am I to expect a Savior
When I only talk to God if I need a favor?

These words contain honesty, transparency, relationship and not a hint of entitlement. In the act of making this statement there is freedom and strength. This expresses a level of humility that Christ would have us aspire to learn.

I find it fascinating that the Bible, a collection of books penned by so many different people across so much time, has unifying themes that run from Genesis to Revelation. The theme that has caught my attention lately is humility, also called meekness. It is pointed out over and over as a quality that God wants in us. But I feel like our culture has no clue what this important virtue is and has filed it under “niceties that no one cares about”. Yet it is held in high esteem in the narratives in the Bible.

Mother Theresa and Fred Rogers are examples of those who lived a life of humility. I have heard it said that if a person is truly humble, no one around them is aware of it during their lifetime. If you Google examples of humble people it will give you examples of famous people who fly economy class or had small private weddings rather than big extravaganzas. We all know humility is so much more. It is such an important concept and sadly, we don’t even know the correct definition of it. So how can we ever aspire to something about which we know so little?

The Webster definition of humility is freedom from pride or arrogance. I think Mr. Webster nailed it. I really like the “freedom” part of that definition. In humility there is great freedom! It is humble transparency that leads us to this freedom. Transparency is not being secretive or ashamed but being open about who you are and what is in your past. If you are transparent you don’t hide information that you feel would cast you in a bad light. Humble people don’t worry about what others think about them because they aren’t focusing on themselves. So humility knows its flaws and deeply regrets them and doesn’t try to hide them. If we daily accept the forgiveness Jesus offered us, we find such freedom! So I believe humility goes hand in hand with transparency and in this, there is definitely freedom.

Because its ego is not puffed up, the humble are not easily deflated. And because they do not focus on themselves, they are not easily deflated like those who are seeing only themselves and what they lack compared to others. Because of this, they are not fragile like the rest of us. The best kept secret of meekness is that there is great strength in it.

I have noticed the humble are secure, selfless and unhurried. Picture Mr. Rogers singing and slowly putting on his sweater. Humility doesn’t watch a clock because its focus is on others and not on a schedule. Humility believes it is owed nothing in this life and lives gratefully. It is delighted with any good thing that comes its way and sees blessings all around them. The humble are joyful. As created beings, this is the only stance we should take. We had nothing to do with our creation but we were amazingly designed. We cannot get puffed up about it but we can’t curse it either. We are totally dependent on our Creator. In this, there is honesty and no entitlement.

Tired of Being Watched?

 Ad nauseam, I hear an ad that asks if I am tired of Google tracking me. Well, it is not just Google, my friend. It seems like we are tracked everywhere we go, with every move we make.(The song is going through my head right now.) We miss the freedom of “Be back home before the street lights come on.” Recently I sat and talked with a group of ladies who quickly recited four or five ways their husbands could track them when they were shopping. I was amazed. Then when I thought about it, nothing they mentioned was out of the ordinary. Holy Cow! What kind of world do we live in? Well, we live in a super safe world. We maintain contact, minimize risk and reduce our worry load with all our devices. 

                         

As I thought about the motivation of these husbands tracking their wives, I realized it came from insecurity, fear, lack of trust as well as love. Our obvious knee jerk response to being tracked is to throw out all our devices and move off the grid. But that is not realistic. 

If you have ever been a parent of a teenager, you know this issue from the other side. We worry about what they are up to and if they are safe because normal teenagers usually don’t tell us what they are thinking or why they are thinking it. As a parent we have doubts about what our child is like when we are not around so we resort to tracking them with technology because this world IS a dangerous place. We wish we understood what motivates them and we do not intend this to be punitive. We only want the best for them and it is our job to protect them in this world.

So what if we did with our spouses and close family exactly what we wish our teenage kids would do? What if instead of becoming more sleuth and secretive, we become more transparent and leaned into it? By transparent I mean honest. What if we told our loved ones the moves we make before we make them? And what if we shared our motivation behind our choices in a conversation instead of forcing our loved ones to depend on technology to figure out what we are up to? Of course that would involve taking the time to sit and talk, which is a whole other subject. And to set an example for our kids we need to be transparent ourselves. Ouch!

Here are a few ideas to get us started. 

1. Post some not-so-flattering honest moments of your day on social media.
2. Tell a loved one about a really stupid thing that you did that makes you anxious when you think about it. 
3. Call or text your love one before every impromptu choice you make in your day.
4. Make sure your next of kin has access to ALL your accounts. 
5. Let your significant other know what you are buying and why before you make your purchases.(This is not the same as asking permission to do so.)

If this list makes you very uncomfortable, you are not alone. I believe that transparency is the key to freedom in our technologically advanced world. Take baby steps to be more transparent and I believe you will find that with honesty comes peace. 

Mr. Rogers’ Advice

You need to know, my blogs are simply sermons to myself. This blog was inspired by reading Tim Madigan's Book, I'm Proud of You. Writing this is my reminder to be transparent. Mr. Rogers reminds me that it is only in my vulnerability that I have relationships and it is only through those relationships that I become an effective follower of Christ.  

Susan

While trying to comfort a family member over an issue in which he felt shame, I told him that there is freedom in letting people know what we are going through. I pointed out that many people are also dealing with the same thing and they would benefit from his shared experience. His answer shut me down. He said that he would continue to keep that family pride and that he would never let anyone know the issue he was dealing with. He built an impenetrable wall. He is now a very lonely man. Sadly, since then, he has successfully shut out his family, and this loss has been heartbreaking for me as well as others in his family. 

Shame holds us hostage. We believe the lie that if people really knew the truth about us, the worst of the worst would happen. We imagine losing our job, our family, or our friends to revealing the truth of our humanity. This deception is straight from the author of lies! We have told ourselves these untruths so many times that it has become ingrained in our psyche as fact. We think if we open up, we will no longer be loved. We think that honesty is a straight path to being a vulnerable crybaby. We think tough people are stoic and cool. Yet Jesus taught the opposite when he said in Matthew 18:3, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” I believe a part of what Jesus was talking about was the trusting, truth-telling aspect of a child. 

We find many vulnerable bible characters that are an example of truly transparent people. The first that comes to my mind is David.  He was a great king, yet a fallible human.  He cried out to God in song and freely admitted his feelings and failures.  He was an open book, yet he was a Man after God’s Own Heart.  He is still known today as the greatest of kings and would probably be included in our top ten people to meet in heaven. 

Samson was known for his physical strength. He was a braggart and a liar.  He had a horrible temper and loved to get the better of those around him.  Yet deep down, he knew where his strength came from. He knew it was all from God and it wasn’t until he was broken and surrendered to the truth of God that he really did anything great.  

“It is a lot easier to love someone when you know their story.”  ~ Fred Rogers

But let’s look at it from the other side. How do you get close to someone that never opens up?  How do we relate to someone who never made a mistake, had a regret or did something stupid or rash?  When we meet people like that, it is like running smack into a wall. Sometimes it is failure to discuss anything deeper than the weather, and sometimes it is just silence. Their silence sends us a message of lack of trust. This lack of trust is more repelling than the Great Wall of China. Silence is a relationship killer.  It is a no admittance sign hung boldly on every conversation that never gets any deeper than “I’m fine.” Sometimes this sign is in the form of bragging or relentless success stories. Each of us has our unique defensive mechanism that we throw out at a moment’s notice like the ink cloud from a disturbed squid. 

So how do we begin to break through this Great Wall?  Breaking down a wall calls for power!  And we have power at our fingertips through prayer. This brings me back to yet another saying of Fred Rogers, “Anything mentionable is manageable.” Start by mentioning your truth to God.  Now, we all know that God is no blabbermouth, so that may be the easiest part. So, I believe the next thing to discuss with the Father is to ask for the power to chip away at that wall and also ask him to make us cognizant of how and when we create these walls.  Ask Him to help us see our stinking thinking. And if we are serious about this, we should ask for courage to open up to someone we can trust.  To break through this wall we will have to find a time, place and a trusted person in which to express our truth.  And as my pastor, David Alexander, pointed out, unless we mention it, it will always manage us. This is a journey and will not be accomplished overnight.  It will take cooperation and the courage to be vulnerable and put ourselves out there. 

Lord I pray for the courage to be vulnerable. I ask for the discernment to see when I am being defensive and not genuine. Please show me my defensive mechanisms and reveal the lies of the enemy that are ingrained in my head.  May my relationships with my friends and family grow so that I can do what you placed me on earth to do.